dandelions
perfect waves
a breathtaking sunset
a delicious red
laughter
green grass lawns
warmth
sushi
spinning in an open field
poetry
sandy feet
children playing
flower leis
the scent of gardenias
kanikapila sessions
ben n jerry's cinnabun icecream
travel
silly dares
friends and family
world peace
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
ballad for the broken hearted
so...
here you are
again
despite vowing
you would not be here,
that the next time
you would be smarter
here you are
feeling none the wiser
again
here you stand
at the edge of dreams
swallowed by the tides of life
swallowed by the...
"thanks but no thanks"
"you're just not enough"
"i love someone else"
(or sometimes
no words at all
just that slow and quick
demise of what seemed so sure)
you are here once again
you curse them
curse yourself
and curse the world
giving into lies
that are not true
lies that say
-failure
-fool
-hopeless
-alone
and you break
despite your promise not to
you break
and this time it's not just your heart
it's all of you
your will
your hope
your dreams
and for this split second of a moment
your ability to go on
so you promise
"never again"
though your words fall empty
and your fear feels full
as your sit in silent terror
of the thought of another again
for how many times have
you been here before?
and though you know it wasn't right for you
you miss your rocky bliss
your almost beginning
your friendship turned crush
turned crushed
and though you try not to cry
the tears come streaming
salty rivers
down your cheeks
burning the open wounds
of your wounded open heart
as you recount
words
actions
and non actions
that sting like a knife
but somewhere
under the mess of it all
somewhere
past the pain
past despair
past everything that tells you
to stop believing
in this silly cruel thing
we call love
somewhere...
a tiny voice prevails
a tiny knowing
that whispers softly, strongly
rest up
be strong
and wait...
here you are
again
despite vowing
you would not be here,
that the next time
you would be smarter
here you are
feeling none the wiser
again
here you stand
at the edge of dreams
swallowed by the tides of life
swallowed by the...
"thanks but no thanks"
"you're just not enough"
"i love someone else"
(or sometimes
no words at all
just that slow and quick
demise of what seemed so sure)
you are here once again
you curse them
curse yourself
and curse the world
giving into lies
that are not true
lies that say
-failure
-fool
-hopeless
-alone
and you break
despite your promise not to
you break
and this time it's not just your heart
it's all of you
your will
your hope
your dreams
and for this split second of a moment
your ability to go on
so you promise
"never again"
though your words fall empty
and your fear feels full
as your sit in silent terror
of the thought of another again
for how many times have
you been here before?
and though you know it wasn't right for you
you miss your rocky bliss
your almost beginning
your friendship turned crush
turned crushed
and though you try not to cry
the tears come streaming
salty rivers
down your cheeks
burning the open wounds
of your wounded open heart
as you recount
words
actions
and non actions
that sting like a knife
but somewhere
under the mess of it all
somewhere
past the pain
past despair
past everything that tells you
to stop believing
in this silly cruel thing
we call love
somewhere...
a tiny voice prevails
a tiny knowing
that whispers softly, strongly
rest up
be strong
and wait...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
if i were to write you into words
i would say:
you are a single petal
from one of
the most beautiful flowers
i have never seen
you take my breath away
with what little you give
and all that is missing
you are a single petal
from one of
the most beautiful flowers
i have never seen
you take my breath away
with what little you give
and all that is missing
Sunday, September 28, 2008
tricky tricky
there's what i know
and what i feel
what makes sense
and what goes
beyond the senses
i keep finding myself
at odds
whenever you cross my mind
and what i feel
what makes sense
and what goes
beyond the senses
i keep finding myself
at odds
whenever you cross my mind
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
will i ever get over you?
oh of course i will. but sometimes i wonder.
you were my everything and nothing all in the same breath. what we had was nothing worth mentioning, what i felt, was more than anything i've ever felt before. and still i search for it. the same intensity, the same trust, the same knowing above all knowing that we were made for each other.
my feelings for you were full of cheesy cliche. you completed me. i wanted to run away with you. i wanted live happily ever after, forever and ever. i believed we were two halves destined to become one. i believed the moon and the stars shone down upon us and smiled. i believed with all belief that you were mine and i was yours.
only it didn't work out that way.
we crashed and burned before we even had a chance to take off. somehow despite my knowing above all knowing that we were fated to be together, i was wrong. you actually weren't meant for me... and while i've come to accept that, i still can't quite get over it completely. at least not yet.
i blame my heart.
oh my tricky little heart. so full of deceit. so full of senseless mystery. why won't it behave? and why on earth would it have led me down such a slippery slope? make me so convinced about something that was not meant to be?
today i saw you. and though i've seen you so many times before, for some reason, this time was different. this time hit a little harder.
i heard you before i saw you. heard your voice, heard your laughter. heard you suddenly become silent mere feet away from me. i turned around. there you were. standing in front of me. smiling. and there i stood. standing in front of you. smiling. i couldn't not smile. it came so naturally. i smiled at you. at myself. at the memories we shared, the lives we now live. it was a smile that held the sum of what little we were and the vast abyss of what we are not.
you seemed happy, and despite all bitter jealous, self pity, moaning and groaning, blah blah blah excess weight of my loss that i can't quite seem to fully rid, etc, i felt happy for you. happy for you and for your stupid happy life. really. it warmed my heart to see that you are doing well. i felt a sense of peace and a part of me let go of you a little more. maybe a bit begrudgingly so, but still...
and i would have been completely happy, calm, smiling zen-like if it wasn't for my tricky, naughty, disobedient heart. my heart that just loves you, despite me telling it not to.
because while i was happy, my heart, was ecstatic. if you could have seen beneath my chest, you would have seen the way my heart leaped for you when our eyes met. it jumped up and down giddily, and believe me, if hearts had hands, those little heart hands would have been clapping for you. so happy. so excited. and so so let down when i had to tell it to stop. you are not mine. you are someone else's. you and i will never be.
and then as quickly as we said hello. we said our goodbyes again. and my heart beat hard against my breastbone. wanting desperately to escape and go with you. but i wouldn't let it. it needs to stay with me. life has something else waiting. i know this even as i miss you once again.
you were my everything and nothing all in the same breath. what we had was nothing worth mentioning, what i felt, was more than anything i've ever felt before. and still i search for it. the same intensity, the same trust, the same knowing above all knowing that we were made for each other.
my feelings for you were full of cheesy cliche. you completed me. i wanted to run away with you. i wanted live happily ever after, forever and ever. i believed we were two halves destined to become one. i believed the moon and the stars shone down upon us and smiled. i believed with all belief that you were mine and i was yours.
only it didn't work out that way.
we crashed and burned before we even had a chance to take off. somehow despite my knowing above all knowing that we were fated to be together, i was wrong. you actually weren't meant for me... and while i've come to accept that, i still can't quite get over it completely. at least not yet.
i blame my heart.
oh my tricky little heart. so full of deceit. so full of senseless mystery. why won't it behave? and why on earth would it have led me down such a slippery slope? make me so convinced about something that was not meant to be?
today i saw you. and though i've seen you so many times before, for some reason, this time was different. this time hit a little harder.
i heard you before i saw you. heard your voice, heard your laughter. heard you suddenly become silent mere feet away from me. i turned around. there you were. standing in front of me. smiling. and there i stood. standing in front of you. smiling. i couldn't not smile. it came so naturally. i smiled at you. at myself. at the memories we shared, the lives we now live. it was a smile that held the sum of what little we were and the vast abyss of what we are not.
you seemed happy, and despite all bitter jealous, self pity, moaning and groaning, blah blah blah excess weight of my loss that i can't quite seem to fully rid, etc, i felt happy for you. happy for you and for your stupid happy life. really. it warmed my heart to see that you are doing well. i felt a sense of peace and a part of me let go of you a little more. maybe a bit begrudgingly so, but still...
and i would have been completely happy, calm, smiling zen-like if it wasn't for my tricky, naughty, disobedient heart. my heart that just loves you, despite me telling it not to.
because while i was happy, my heart, was ecstatic. if you could have seen beneath my chest, you would have seen the way my heart leaped for you when our eyes met. it jumped up and down giddily, and believe me, if hearts had hands, those little heart hands would have been clapping for you. so happy. so excited. and so so let down when i had to tell it to stop. you are not mine. you are someone else's. you and i will never be.
and then as quickly as we said hello. we said our goodbyes again. and my heart beat hard against my breastbone. wanting desperately to escape and go with you. but i wouldn't let it. it needs to stay with me. life has something else waiting. i know this even as i miss you once again.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
living & dying
it is an interesting thing
to be told
that someone i love
is going to die
(and by interesting
think hellish limbo of sorts)
i have fallen in between
what i have
and what i am going to lose
and i miss
before the missing has yet to occur
i think about death
when there is still life
i crave a familiar safeness
that has long disappeared
i try to focus on all that is
but i can't seem to stop myself
from drifting to all that will no longer be
i wait as life
teetor totters
she is on the edge
and i am too
my hope and fear
have become so intertwined
that i can't tear them apart
or distinguish one from the other
and so,
when no one is looking
i hold my hands
to my heart
and pray
but for what and to whom
i do not know...
to be told
that someone i love
is going to die
(and by interesting
think hellish limbo of sorts)
i have fallen in between
what i have
and what i am going to lose
and i miss
before the missing has yet to occur
i think about death
when there is still life
i crave a familiar safeness
that has long disappeared
i try to focus on all that is
but i can't seem to stop myself
from drifting to all that will no longer be
i wait as life
teetor totters
she is on the edge
and i am too
my hope and fear
have become so intertwined
that i can't tear them apart
or distinguish one from the other
and so,
when no one is looking
i hold my hands
to my heart
and pray
but for what and to whom
i do not know...
Monday, September 8, 2008
stay away from me... but not really
nothing seems to work
i want to be alone but...
it's far too lonely
i want to be alone but...
it's far too lonely
Sunday, September 7, 2008
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