living & dying

it is an interesting thing
to be told
that someone i love
is going to die

(and by interesting
think hellish limbo of sorts)

i have fallen in between
what i have
and what i am going to lose

and i miss
before the missing has yet to occur

i think about death
when there is still life

i crave a familiar safeness
that has long disappeared

i try to focus on all that is
but i can't seem to stop myself
from drifting to all that will no longer be

i wait as life
teetor totters

she is on the edge
and i am too

my hope and fear
have become so intertwined
that i can't tear them apart
or distinguish one from the other

and so,
when no one is looking
i hold my hands
to my heart
and pray

but for what and to whom
i do not know...

morning after

in between bedsheets
satisfaction and regret
find themselves tangled

grrrr

grumpiness invades
despite trying to stay sweet
just can't help but grrrr