blindly

i stumble through this life
grasping on to what feels safe to hold
even if, only in the moment

and for the most part
this blind living
has sharpened my senses
and allowed me
to be open for whatever comes my way

i go with the flow
i embrace life as it comes
i await my destiny as it is
hand delivered to my doorstep
in whatever form it comes

even when it's not what i wanted
i try my best to work with it,
not against it
and look for the lessons
always look for the lessons

and it's also allowed for
some pretty interesting experiences
situations and encounters
that i may have missed
had i not been fumbling in the dark
that make me who i am today
had i not been fumbling in the dark
that i am forever grateful for
and humbled by
because of fumbling in the dark

but lately i've been wondering
what the world might look like
if i opened my eyes
and truly thought about what it is i want
in more detail than vague themes
and one word mantras

only, i've been living eyes wide shut
for so long
i'm not sure if i know how
to open my eyes
and start seriously thinking
about this life i want to live

i know the big things:
love
happiness
challenge
comfort
humor
passion
being a part of something bigger than me
family
more love
nature
art
wholeness
with a drop of never ending emptiness
that pushes me
to always seek
always crave
more

but the details?
no idea

and a part of me fears
that destiny
is going to stop hand delivering herself
to my door step
and if i don't go out searching for her
i'll mistake junk mail
for meant to be's
because with eyes shut
every package
feels like a package

only, i don't think that could ever be me
but still
in the dawn of morning
i can't help but feel that twinge of fear
that asks me
am i doing this living life right?

haiku

chocolate

i knew i loved you
the moment my lips first kissed
your gift of sweetness